Top 5 Defunct Pro Football Leagues

Fall is in the air! Or at least we Texans now get a day or two that the temp only gets into the nineties. With fall comes football, and with football comes a few billion dollars in fan spending. While the NFL may have a strangle-hold on the moolah at the pro level, you can't blame a few entrepreneurial Americans for trying to get their cut of the profits. Plus, their stories make for an interesting article, so let's get rolling:

1) The All American Football Conference (1946-'49). The first major challenger to NFL supremacy, and perhaps the one with the best chances, the AAFC took advantage of the post-war boom and air travel to mount a major challenge to the football establishment. In an era where pro football was small potatoes compared to college football (many college stars actually didn't go professional, making better money in business) and baseball, both leagues were nearly bled white by a fierce bidding war for players. In the end, the NFL hung on a little longer to win, but the peace deal still forced them to accept 3 teams from the AAFC. One of those teams was the Cleveland Browns, who shattered any beliefs that the AAFC had been inferior by playing in the NFL Championship game their first 5 years in the league and winning it twice.

2) American Football League (1960-'69). Barely a decade removed from their battle with the AAFC, the NFL had another contender step into the ring. The American Football League thrived by planting most of its teams in untapped markets and taking full advantage of the truckloads of money the new medium of TV provided. The brash and colorful AFL contrasted sharply with the stoic and traditional NFL, and their rivalry eventually led to the establishment of the Super Bowl. Again, a bidding war ensued. Although both leagues remained viable, the AFL didn't see the point of prolonging the battle and agreed to a full merger under the NFL banner. It didn't go into effect, however, until the AFL had gone 2-for-4 in the Super Bowl, ending any NFL mockery.

3) United States Football League (1983-'85). A unique challenger, the USFL went with a strategy of 'compete by not competing'. The league played spring and summer ball to avoid fan conflicts, and had strict salary caps to prevent a bidding war with the NFL. The strategy worked for a while, and the league had an average attendance of 25,000+ in 1983. Two flagship franchises, the Tampa Bay Bandits and Denver Gold, even managed to average roughly 40,000 fans a game. However, money remained a problem, and expansion, mergers, and teams folding changed the shape of the league every year. By 1985, only 5 of the founding 12 USFL teams were functioning in their original form. The man who normally gets the blame for finally killing the league is Donald Trump. He broke the salary cap in an attempt to rapidly build his New Jersey Generals into contenders -triggering wild spending in the rest of the league- and convinced a majority of owners to move the league to fall play and sue the NFL. News of the impending showdown devastated USFL teams in NFL markets, and the lawsuit netted the league a paltry $1 in damages. The bankrupt USFL threw in the towel after the close of the '85 season.

4) NFL Europe (1995-2007). Envisioned as a way for the NFL to increase it's global footprint and establish a developmental league at the same time, the NFL Europe was formed from the ruins of the short-lived World League of American Football (1991-'92). Although bankrolled by football's superpower, the NFL-E was plagued by lack of fan interest from Day 1. Out of 6 charter members, only 2 of them -the Amsterdam Admirals and the Rhein Fire- managed to survive the league's full run. Teams were established in the UK, Spain, Germany, and the Netherlands, but by 2007, 5 of the 6 teams were in Germany, and the Amsterdam squad (which only averaged 11,000 fans) was likely only kept afloat to give the 'Europe' in the league's name a shred of legitimacy. With the NFL-E deep in the red and going nowhere fast, the father league shut it down on June 29th, 2007.

5) XFL (2001). Although commonly referred to as the 'Xtreme Football League', the league never actually gave the acronym an official meaning. So now you know. Created by the Chairman of the Board of Directors of the WWE, the XFL was meant to be the NFL's edgier cousin, with team names like 'Hitmen', 'Rage', 'Demons', and 'Maniax'. Trash talk was integral, penalties were nearly abolished, and the cheerleaders were a whole lot closer to strippers than Baylor Songleaders. Also, the league's ties to pro wrestling cast doubts on how legitimate the already poor quality of play was. All in all, the XFL's brand of 'gangsta' football failed to catch on and the league folded after one season.

Frankly, I'm not crying any tears for this one's fate.

BBC Explores 'Man Cave' Renaissance

Recently the BBC did a video report on the rebirth of 'Man Caves'. They try to explain why this concept is so important to us blokes across the pond. Do you have a man cave? If you don't, how would you design it?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-14923750

Man Movies: The Magnificent Seven

Westerns are manly. With one of the best war-to-love ratios in cinema, these movies can put hair on anybody's chest. Let's face it, the new 'True Grit' doesn't exactly scream 'Date Nite Movie'. (The True Grits, by the way, will both undoubtedly find their way onto this blog sooner or later.)

The King of the Westerns is no different, this sucker has more testosterone in a single frame than most movies have in an hour. Let me give the names of some of the men starring in this movie : Yul Brenner, Steve McQueen, James Coburn, Charles Bronson. What you have here is not the cast of a 'Pride and Prejudice' remake, it's a list of the 1960's 'Most He-Manly, Macho, and Otherwise Legit Dudes.' Let's dive into this raging inferno of masculinity and see what we can find.

1) Never Back Down. Never Quit. Never Give In.

"Nobody throws me my own guns and tells me to run. Nobody." -Britt.

Taking on 30 bandits with 7 gunfighters and a handful of frightened farmers isn't any fighter's dream situation, but Chris and the rest of the Seven stay and fight to the death. Real men don't back down just because the odds get long. Even after Calvera takes control of the village, they don't bolt for the border, they don't make excuses, they get back in the fight.

2) Integrity First.

Chris: You forget one thing: we took a contract.

Vin: It's not the kind any court would enforce.

Chris: That's just the kind you got to keep.

This lesson ties in with the first. The Seven could have sold-out the villagers to Calvera and walked away without a fight and with their money. Throughout the whole movie there is nobody forcing them to stay and fight. The villagers can't do anything to them, the whole reason the Seven is down in Mexico is because the farmers were such poor fighters. Yet they stayed, even after the villagers sell them out. In the end the cost for their integrity is high: 4 out of the 7 die in the final battle. If righteousness was easy, it would be a perfect world.

3) This Quote: "You think I am brave because I carry a gun; well, your fathers are much braver because they carry responsibility... I have never had this kind of courage" -Bernardo O'Riley

4) Be a Good Mentor.

The only member of the Seven to hit it off with the village boys is easily the most unexpected one: Bernardo O'Riley. A grizzled, half Mexican, half Irish mercenary gunfighter with leather for a face, Bernardo doesn't exactly make you think 'emotional warmth' when you first see him. However, he manages to teach the village boys to get past their shallow, macho-man idea of manhood and concentrate on substance and character. You can be 'The Man', but if you don't pass it down, what you know is just going to die with you.

I have one more thing to say about this movie. It doesn't have anything to with manhood, it's just interesting. At the time of filming, the Mexican government was tired of having the country portrayed in American cinema as a filthy, stinking, uncivilized crap hole. To be allowed to film in the country, the producers had to portray the Mexican villagers in a more favorable light than first planned. First, the script was changed so the villagers first went to buy guns to defend themselves, only hiring gunmen after finding it would be cheaper. Second, all the villagers' clothes are always perfectly clean, no matter the situation. The Seven could get filthy, the bandits could get filthy, but never the villagers (watch the movie and you'll see what I'm talking about).

The Magnificent Seven: a film so amazing even political correctness couldn't ruin it.

Manly Men of History: Lt. Gen. Claire Lee Chennault

The picture alone justifies Chennault's appearance in this blog, but I'll elaborate on his manly deeds anyway.

Lt. Gen Claire Lee Chennault was born in Commerce, TX on September 6th, 1893. His family soon moved to Gilbert, Louisiana and he grew up splitting his childhood between roaming the Franklin Parish bayous and being persuaded/coerced into getting a good education by his stepmother. In 1909 he enrolled in LSU, where he joined the ROTC, took 18 hours, and played NCAA-level sports (I'm going to go cry now). After teaching high school in Athens, LA for a few years, (preferred method of discipline: fighting his overgrown redneck students behind the schoolhouse. It actually worked wonders) he joined the Air Service upon America's entry into WWI. He earned his wings in 1919 and over the course of the next few years would serve along the Mexican border, in Hawaii, and at Langley Field, VA.

It was when his Hawaii deployment began in 1923, as CO of the 19th Pursuit (Fighter) Squadron that Chennault began to develop a reputation as an outspoken proponent of fighter aviation. This put him at odds with Army higher-ups, first the Artillery officers who commanded the anti-air defenses (He broke one-sided war games rules to show that anti-air batteries were vulnerable to air-to-ground attacks) and eventually the 'bomber mafia'.

During the interwar period, bomber planes began to develop more rapidly than their fighter counterparts. Eventually, the bombers' lead in technology was so great many Air Corp officers began to believe that the new, heavily armed, multi-engine strategic bombers like the B-17 Flying Fortress could never be shot down by enemy pursuit planes. The future for fighter pilots was looking bleak.

Chennault worked tirelessly to improve fighter tactics and get fighter aviation respect. However, being passionate, vocal, and lacking anything resembling tact made him many high-ranking enemies. For those unfamiliar with military culture, developing a reputation for arguing with superiors is not the best way to get promoted. In 1937 Chennault was 'persuaded' into taking a medical retirement after telling a high-ranking general -to his face- that he'd botched the use of the Air Corp in some recent war games.

It seemed like Chennault's military career was over. However a few years earlier his work in the area of fighter tactics had lead to his founding of the Air Corp's first stunt team, the granddaddy of the Thunderbirds. One of the team's performances was seen by T.V. Soong, a brother-in-law of Generalissimo Chaing Kai-Shek, the leader of Nationalist China. China had been at war with Japan since 1931 and badly needed to improve its air-defense capabilities in the face of Japanese bombing raids. Immediately after retiring, Chennault signed a three-month, $3,000 ($60,000 in 2011 money) contract to review the state of the Chinese Air Force.

Upon completing his investigation, Chennault made his report to Chaing Kai-Shek. It wasn't pretty: the planes were obsolete, the pilots were incompetent, and facilities were crap. Chennault was then hired to turn the situation around. Using his tactics, the outnumbered and out gunned Chinese Air Force scored early successes against Japanese bombers. However, when Japan began dedicating its large and technologically advanced fighter force to defeating the Chinese airmen, Chennault took heavy losses and was forced to withdraw his squadrons into the interior of China. There he tried to rebuild the CAF, but the lack of resources and constant Japanese air attacks made the job impossible.

It became clear that China couldn't build it's own air force, but perhaps it could buy one. In 1941 Chennault was sent to the US to purchase planes and hire pilots for an 'American Volunteer Group'. With the secret approval of President Roosevelt, he managed to acquire 100 P-40B Warhawks and hire 100 Army, Navy, and Marine pilots, along with 200 support staff.

In late 1941 the AVG reached China and began receiving instruction in Chennault's unorthodox tactics. Chinese encounters with the Japanese fighter planes, especially the Zero, had shown them be incredibly maneuverable aircraft that could out-turn and out-climb any western aircraft. Getting into a turning dogfight with a Zero would be suicide in the far less agile P-40. However, to gain its maneuverability, the Zero had sacrificed armor and survivability, while the P-40 had heavy armor, superior firepower, and was good in a dive. The AVG would use 'boom-and-zoom' tactics: make diving passes through enemy formations, then climbing back up, avoiding a turning fight at all costs.

On December 20th, the AVG went into action for the first time. The pilots of the AVG's 1st and 2nd squadrons intercepted a formation of 10 twin-engine 'Betty' bombers near Kunming, China and shot down nine. Meanwhile, the Japanese began an offensive aimed at taking Rangoon, Burma. Rangoon was the starting point of the Burma road and China's last supply line to the outside world. Chennault deployed the 'Hell's Angels', his 3rd squadron to defend the city. On December 23rd the Japanese Air Force began bombing the city, but was repulsed, suffering heavy casualties. On Christmas Day the AVG won its greatest victory, officially credited with shooting down 23 Japanese planes over Rangoon without suffering a loss.

As the battle for Rangoon wore on, Chennault rotated his squadrons into the city to preserve their strength. Despite being credited with a 15:1 kill ratio, the situation began to steadily get worse. Ammunition and fuel were scarce, and replacement parts nonexistent. The only way to keep a few P-40s in the air was to cannibalize other P-40s too damaged to fly. Despite these difficulties, the AVG, now known as the 'Flying Tigers', maintained Allied air superiority over Rangoon and even launched occasional offensive raids until they were forced out of the city by Japanese land forces in February 1942.

The AVG would remain in service until July 4th, 1942, when was incorporated into the US Army Air Force as the 23rd Fighter Group of the China Air Task Force. During the months between February and that date the Flying Tigers covered the Allied retreat up the Burma Road and defended the main cities of Free China from bombing attacks with great success. Their aerial victories against seemingly overwhelming odds gave America a critical ray of hope during the darkest days of WWII.

I could go on about Chennault's exploits after his reinstatement into the Air Force, but this article is getting pretty long, so I'll summarize. He was promoted to Brigadier General, lead the CATF and then the 14th Air Force for the remainder of the war, first defending Chinese cities, then switching to attacking Japanese targets along the Chinese coast. At the end of the war he got in trouble again and was forced into another medical retirement. He then formed China Air Transport, which flew supplies throughout China to areas devastated by the war. CAT eventually became Air America, the CIA-controlled airline used for all manner of clandestine activities in Southeast Asia (everything Chennault touched seemed to become awesome). Chennault also dedicated his life to fighting the spread of Communism and improving the American system of distributing foreign aid. He died on July 27th, 1958 in New Orleans, just days after his promotion to Lt. General.

Disney's Top 10 Manliest Men

Unlike today's kids, the people from my generation were blessed with growing up in an era when Disney made things that didn't suck (Pixar excepted). No matter who you are, unless you grew up Amish, the Disney animated films of the 90's were probably a big part of your childhood.

As the leader in children's entertainment, Disney had a lot of influence. Was this influence particularly MANLY? Heck no. I mean, seriously, when was the last time you saw Disney market anything specifically for boys? Still, every dark cloud has a silver lining. I've cut through the legion of pretty boys and found 10 guys from the Disney stable who exhibit manliness in one form or another.

Movie in parenthesis.

Counting down:

10) Fa Zhou ( Mulan): This man doesn't get much screen time, but from what we see we can infer that he did some totally awesome army stuff back in 'The Day'. Example: the armor in his closet, his brief display of swordsmanship, Mulan saying he has already fought for China, and -here's the kicker- Captain Li Shang calls him "THE Fa Zhou.' Anytime you are known in the military as 'THE' you've done something legit. And he's not too shabby as a dad either.

9) Li Shang (Mulan): Considering this movie is the closest thing Disney has ever made to a war film, it isn't surprising that it's only movie with two men on this list. Li Shang is a top military academy grad (manly), is skilled in martial arts (also manly), and turns a bunch of farm boys into good soldiers (very manly). He loses points though, because Mulan has to save his bacon twice in 90 minutes. I'm sorry, but needing to be repeatedly pulled out of physical danger (which men are better capable of handling due to naturally stronger anatomy) by a girl is gonna cost you some man points.

8) Hercules ( Hercules, duh ): Not much to say about him, since Disney made him a pretty flat farm-boy-turned-hero stereotype. Suffice to say, killing monsters and rescuing damsels in distress secures your manhood. I might have ranked him higher, but not all guys have Zeus' DNA in their veins, so he was pushed back a few spots for unfair advantage.

7) John Silver ( Treasure Planet): Being an old-school pirate might be a cool profession, but it's not very honorable. The whole objective of the job is to attack easy prey and steal their stuff, thus avoiding honest work. That fact keeps this cyborg from an underrated film from climbing higher on the list. Still, he's one tough hombre and he turns Jim Hawkins from the fast track to the Juvie to the path of Navy Officer. That's more than a lot of men can say.

6) Mr. Incredible (The Incredibles): He's big, he's strong, he's a superhero, he learns to get over his past and be a good family man in the present. And he kills a giant robot. 'Nuff said.

5) The Beast ( Beauty and the Beast): Seriously, have you seen this mench? Easily the most intimidating good guy Disney has, he is called just 'The Beast' for roughly 95% of the movie. There isn't a red-blooded man on the planet who wouldn't love to be called 'The Beast'. However, he goes emo near the end of the movie when Belle leaves and he doesn't even try to defend his castle. Dude, some unwashed villagers are rampaging through your crib and wrecking your stuff. Get down there and JACK THEM UP!!!

4) Robin Hood ( The Adventures of Robin Hood): Forget the man in tights, because this Robin Hood doesn't even wear pants (being a furry woodland creature has advantages ). He's got romantic 'skillz' and guts, and dedicating your life to fighting oppression does have a certain ring to it. His two top exploits are sneaking into an archery tournament that's crawling with soldiers just to get a kiss from his lady love (it's only stupid if you get killed), and going back to save that little rabbit girl, even though that too almost gets him killed. Not a bad resume.

3) Prince Phillip ( Sleeping Beauty): This guy does it old school. Back before you could get away with splitting the bill 50/50 and some nutjobs started saying being chivalrous meant you were a misogynist pig, you had to have a backbone to have a chance with a girl. When his princess got put in a dark-magic coma he just busted out of Maleficent's dungeon, hacked his way through a forest of thorns, and sent that sorceress into the infernal regions. He then proceeded to march straight up the tower steps and kissed Aurora right smack-dab on the lips like he did it every day (kudos for confidence). Admittedly, having the 'Three Good Fairies' on your side isn't quite as awesome as having say, Gandalf the Grey, but whatcha gonna do?

2) Quasimodo (The Hunchback of Notre Dame): There are plenty of places less cool to crash than the bell tower of the most famous church in Europe. He also has some serious upper body strength -you saw him maneuver around that church- and is an expert woodworker (an uber-manly hobby). And when Judge Frollo tries to have Esmerelda burned in his little French Inquisition, Quasi doesn't just throw the Book at Frollo, he throws the whole church. I know you're wondering who could possibly be studly enough to top all this, so without further ado, I give you Disney's Alpha Male:

1) Mufasa (The Lion King): Every pore of this dude oozes manliness. He's voiced by James Earl Jones. He rules the Pride Lands with justice and all kinds of good stuff. He dies saving his son from a herd of wildebeests. Then, despite being DEAD he tells Simba to grow up and start acting like a man, keeping the cycle of studly-ness going. Yeah, he's a man.

So there you have it, Disney's Manliest Men. I hope you enjoyed this post, there will some more serious posts later.